PARTY CRASHER






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Publication: The Stranger
Author: Constant, Paul
Date published: April 8, 2010

ON THE THIRD DAY

Where: Belltown

When: Sat April 3

After wandering the streets of Belltown, which smell just like Axe body spray (except for the bits that are overrun this weekend by people from Sakura-Con dressed as anime characters, which smell more like barbecue potato chips), it's a relief to be inside with a group of normal-smelling people and a DJ who is unashamed to spin Justin Timberlake. Our hostess, who is also the birthday girl, is lovely and loud. She has draped her enormous beaded necklace on a manly partyer; someone calls them "fuck-me beads," and someone else suggests that he looks like Marge Simpson.

The one guy in the corner who looks like Jesus, if Jesus were the world's biggest John Lennon fan, is, to be honest, kind of freaking us out a little bit. Tomorrow is Easter, after all, and some of us are having flashbacks to holy days past. Luckily, someone else has brought a religious object that distracts us from Christian guilt: an iPad, fresh from the Apple Store on the day of its American release.

The iPad gets handed around the party faster than a three-dollar hooker (and the greasy fingerprints on the screen suggest that it might be just as germridden). Partyers try to type on the screen with varying levels of success. Everyone "Oooohs"-literally "Oooohs"-when someone brings up the iBooks feature and starts flipping through Winnie-the- Pooh. Two partyers play chess. Soon enough, things get back to normal. The religious fervor has passed, and someone is spanking the birthday girl with the iPad, inspiring all the "there's an app for that" jokes you could possibly stomach. PAUL CONSTANT

Want to tell The Stranger about how you accidentally read the two creepiest Nicholson Baker books back-to-back at your house party? E-mail the date, place, and party details to partycrasher@ thestranger.com.

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