Thanks to a decadelong inundation of seasonal blockbusters, comic-book superheroes are an inextricable part of the cultural landscape, just like Kardashians and equine herpes! And just like Kardashians and equine herpes, just because you don't "get it" doesn't mean you can just ignore it. But who has the time to sit through all those sucky superhero movies just to be able to talk knowledgably with the water-cooler hordes? Read this handy guide, and you'll be superhero literate without spraining your geek-bone!

GREEN LANTERN

Star: Ryan Reynolds

Story origin: DC Comics

Superpower: Magic wishing ring that makes anything you want, as long as anything you want is green

Nemesis: A fl atulent, screaming cloud of sentient fear named Parallax

One-liner: "DC übernerd Geoff Johns kept all the stultifying trivia from the comics and forgot to make anyone likable."

THE GREEN HORNET

Star: Seth Rogen

Story origin: Old-time radio serial and Bruce Lee-starring TV show

Superpower: He's rich as fuck

Nemesis: Bad 2-D to 3-D conversion

One-liner: "It's cute that Rogen played GH as an asshole, but unfortunately this is the fi rst boring Michel Gondry fl ick."

CAPTAIN AMERICA: THE FIRST AVENGER

Star: Chris Evans

Story origin: Marvel (or, more accurately, Timely) Comics

Superpower: Steroids and "Vita-Rays"

Nemesis: The Red Skull

One-liner: "Director Joe Johnston got his Rocketeer mojo back in this fun adventure movie!"

TRANSFORMERS: DARK OF THE MOON

Star: Shia LaBeouf and an ambulatory Realdoll(TM)

Story origin: The Hasbro toy line and a thousand raging coke habits

Superpower: Cars that transform into robots

Nemesis: Megatron

One-liner: "The 3-D visuals are terrifi c, but next time a script would be nice."

THOR

Star: Chris Hemsworth

Story origin: Marvel Comics

Superpower: God of thunder

Nemesis: His adopted half-brother, trickster god Loki

One-liner: "The terrifi c Kirbyesque design and sharp supporting actors save Thor from its occasional roteness."

PRECIOUS: BASED ON THE NOVEL 'PUSH' BY SAPPHIRE

Star: Gabourey Sidibe

Story origin: The novel Push by Sapphire

Superpower: Persistence

Nemesis: Mo'Nique

One-liner: "That's not funny."