Date published: January 4, 2012
* Dominic Holden, news editor of The Stranger, reported last year that a man accused of vehicular homicide in a cyclist's death was so intoxicated that "he had to place his food down to maintain his balance." Mr. Holden meant "foot," obviously. We regret the error.
* While filming his upcoming show for MTV, Dan Savage, editorial director of The Stranger, had glitter thrown at him by a trans activist in Eugene, Oregon, for his perceived and, in Mr. Savage's opinion, imaginary slights directed at the trans community. Later that same night, Mr. Savage was approached in a bar by a friend of said trans activist. This young man, who was many, many years Mr. Savage's junior, apologized for the actions of his trans friend and then offered his sexual services to Mr. Savage. While Mr. Savage would rather have dick thrown at him than glitter, Mr. Savage had to decline the young man's generous offer. Mr. Savage regrets that it was very late, that he had a very early call the next morning, and that the terms of his "monogamish" relationship with his partner of 17 years, Terrence Miller, specifically disallow impromptu, latenight, drunken hookups with students at the universities Mr. Savage visits for professional reasons.
* The Seattle Police Department regrets leaving an AR-15 semiautomatic rifle on the back of a squad car, unattended, in broad daylight, downtown on June 27.
* In response to an August 26 Slog post titled "James Frey Continues to Be a Huge Douche," James Frey wrote Stranger books editor Paul Constant a brief, presumably sarcastic e-mail thanking him for the kind words. Constant replied, "Anytime. You keep churning your garbage out, and I'll keep speaking kindly about it." Mr. Constant's only regret is not telling more people sooner about this exchange.
* In the July 13 issue of The Stranger, associate editor Charles Mudede wrote that black American slaves were offered, upon emancipation, five acres and mule, when in fact they were offered 40 acres and a mule. We regret how many times per day Mr. Mudede makes factual blunders such as this. His inability to get even a single thing right is unmatched.
* In a September 8 Slog post, Stranger staff writer Cienna Madrid wrote that local artist Sam Farrazaino is an accomplished "sculpture." In fact, he is a human being. We regret the error.
* On a related note, Stranger staff writer Cienna Madrid regrets that Slog does not have a copy editor, as does every other member of the editorial staff, except Dan Savage, who doesn't "give a shit."
* In an April 15 Slog post, Stranger staff writer Goldy ridiculed Representative Dave Reichert for being the only Republican in the US House to skip a controversial vote on Representative Paul Ryan's millionaire-tax-slashing/ Medicare-ending budget plan, sarcastically chiding: "Way to take a tough stand on principle, Dave." Minutes after Goldy clicked the "publish" button, he learned that Representative Reichert missed the vote because he was at the bedside of his dying mother. We regret the error.
* On a related note, Goldy regrets the death of Representative Dave Reichert's mother. Rest in peace, Ma Reichert.
* On November 23, we spelled Georgia O'Keeffe's name with only one of the requisite f's. We regret the error.
* In the July 20 issue, among the more than 80 write-ups of bands performing at the Capitol Hill Block Party, Stranger staffer Megan Seling wrote about an act called Slow Dance, who were booked to play the Cha Cha stage. Unfortunately, Ms. Seling wrote about a Brooklynbased band instead of the local hiphop duo with the same name. We regret the error.
* In the June 8 issue of The Stranger, we referred to the "isles" of a Normandy Park QFC, when the correct spelling, in context, is "aisles." We regret this error, but considering we've made this exact spelling mistake before, it's starting to sound insincere.
* News editor Dominic Holden regrets that when he tried sending an e-mail to Stranger managing editor Bethany Jean Clement about layoffs at Village Voice Media, which owns the Seattle Weekly, he accidentally sent it to Beth Hester, the chief spokesperson for Mayor Mike McGinn.
* Even worse, Mr. Holden regrets that, when he sent an e-mail mocking McGinn's fumbles with the school district, it didn't go to Stranger art director Aaron Huffman, but rather McGinn's other spokesperson, Aaron Pickus.
* Bethany Jean Clement regrets that she can't have a pet hawk that would fly all around and then return to land on her leather-gloved wrist and look nobly into the distance.
* In the March 2 issue of The Stranger, in Homosexual Agenda, we listed queer club night Lick! on Friday, March 5. It was actually on Saturday, March 5. Moreover, columnist Adrian Ryan wrote that DJ Dewey Decimal (Amber Slaven) and DJ Mathematix (Adrien Leavitt) "invented" Lick!, when in fact Lick! was invented by Shannon Carroll, who is a completely different person. We regret the errors.
* Stranger staffer Jen Graves regrets writing the sentence, "I learned on Shark Week that six-gill sharks swam closer to my very bed above Puget Sound last night," because it makes no goddamn sense.
* In the April 27 issue of The Stranger, Christopher Frizzelle, the editor of The Stranger, wrote an obituary for the bookevents impresario Kim Ricketts in which he praised her for not "always blindly towing the public-relations line," misspelling "toeing." We regret the error, although not as much as we regret the passing of Kim Ricketts. This city sucks without her.
* On the cover of the February 24 issue of The Stranger, we published the wrong page number for a column by Thom Yorke. We were so excited to have a column by Mr. Yorke that our brains broke. We regret the error.
* Dominic Holden, news editor of The Stranger, regrets that, in his many radio interviews about Occupy Wall Street, hosts repeatedly said that the protesters' message was unclear when it has been obvious to anyone watching the economic collapse at the hand of big banks exactly what the fucking message is.
* David Schmader regrets not having more fun fun fun at the number one place for fun.
* On December 21, I Anonymous ran with the headline "LURG (Lesbian Until Regaining Consciousness)." As anyone with even the most basic grasp of the Roman alphabet could tell you, "G" is not the first letter (nor, indeed, any letter) of the word "consciousness." We regret the error.
* Stranger food critic Bethany Jean Clement regrets that on Slog on January 19, she stated that one teriyaki place had been shut down by the health department when it was another teriyaki place. She fixed it quickly and doubts that it affected the non-shut-down teriyaki place's business, but still.
* In the headline of a Slog post on October 12 about the importance of education, Stranger news editor Dominic Holden referred to professors as "proffessors." Oops! We regret the error.
* In the January 20 issue of The Stranger, we wrote that Primo delivers to Capitol Hill east of 15th Avenue. In fact, they deliver west of 15th Avenue. We regret the error and are thrilled to blame this one on Primo-we copied and pasted that information from their website.
* Staff photographer Kelly O regrets that Urban Outfitters went so ape-shit with its "Navajo" line-making it suddenly disrespectful and no fun to wear ANYTHING that's Native American inspired.
* In the February 10 issue of The Stranger, we ran a Stranger Suggest for David Mamet's November at New City Theater. Unfortunately, the show's scheduled run was over. We regret the error.
* Jen Graves, The Stranger's art critic, regrets typing "Damien Hirst" in a November 29 Slog post when she meant to type "Gerhard Richter." Ms. Graves further regrets typing "Palestine" when she meant "Pakistan" in a March 10 Slog post about local Pakistani-born artist Humaira Abid. In Ms. Graves's defense, there are so many countries that begin with "P," including Panama, Peru, Portugal, Paraguay, Papua New Guinea, and Poland.
* In the February 10 issue of The Stranger, staffer Megan Seling reviewed Campfire OK's album Strange Like We Are. She interpreted the lyrics to the title track as being a "marching folk-rock anthem aimed at taking back the streets." In fact, the song is about being in a hospital. We regret the error.
* Gillian Anderson, copy chief of The Stranger, regrets that when she went to a Seattle International Film Festival event featuring Ewan McGregor, she didn't get to touch his bottom.
* In a listing for a February 25 event at the Fountainhead Gallery, Stranger books editor Paul Constant referred to author Mary Lou Sanelli's book, Among Friends, as a collection of poetry. It is in fact a memoir, which the publisher refers to as "one woman's expectations, disappointments, regrets, and discoveries while searching for friends-for-life." Mr. Constant regrets his error, although not as much as he regrets the book's description of itself.
* David Schmader, associate editor of The Stranger, regrets that the staff of the Melrose Market butcher shop doesn't have daily costume themes, like Topless Tuesday or Speedo Sunday.
* In the January 6 issue of The Stranger, we asserted that Milton Friedman won the "Noble" Prize. We regret the error.
* In a Slog post on August 1, Stranger staffer Paul Constant confused Mr. Rogers character Daniel Tiger's speech pattern with that of Henrietta Pussycat. This made some commenters blind with rage. Mr. Constant regrets the error, but not the making-commenters-mad-about- Mr.-Rogers part because that was pretty awesome.
* Christopher Frizzelle, the editor of The Stranger, regrets writing in a December 7 review of Blue Nights that Joan Didion's books "just keep shooting out of her-out of those giant hands," because he has since read a profile by a journalist who visited Didion at home that specifically mentioned Didion's hands being quite small. In Mr. Frizzelle's defense, a photograph of Ms. Didion appeared in New York magazine recently with Ms. Didion's hands in close-up in the foreground, and they looked like the giant claws of a prehistoric monster.
* In the morning news on Slog on December 9, Stranger news editor Dominic Holden wrote that Congressman Adam Smith fired three aides for inappropriate tweets. In fact, it was Representative Rick Larsen. Furthermore, Mr. Holden wrote that it was the "Wednesday Morning News," when it was actually Friday. We regret the errors.
* Stranger associate editor Eli Sanders regrets that he didn't have a better comeback than "Go ahead, call security" to hurl at the clipboard-wielding gatekeeper who tried to prevent him from entering a June screening of Page One: Inside the New York Times due to Mr. Sanders's alleged "lateness." There are so many things one could suggest a flat-outwrong gatekeeper-Mr. Sanders was five minutes early!-do with a clipboard.
* Stranger art critic Jen Graves regrets the Contemporary Northwest Art Awards exhibition at the Portland Art Museum because the show was weird and terrible, not because she appeared nude in it. Ms. Graves does not regret appearing nude in it.
* Dan Savage, editorial director of The Stranger, is not a part of the 1 percent. He does, however, have so many frequent flyer miles that he is always seated in first class, which makes him feel like a class traitor as well as a member of the 1 percent. Mr. Savage could decline the first-class upgrades to which his Triple Platinum status entitles him and sit in coach with the 99 percent in a show of solidarity, but Mr. Savage believes this would be a meaningless display of "false consciousness," and so he's going to keep the upgrades, thanks, and further reserves the right to shoot dirty looks at proles from coach who sneak into the first-class compartment to use the toilet.
* Anna Minard, a copy editor for the printed edition of The Stranger, wholeheartedly regrets misusing the word "whom" in one of her first Slog posts. She further regrets that the possibility of committing another typographical error in a Slog post-and the cries of "And she's a copy editor!" that would ensue-leaves her paralyzed with fear, causing her not to post on Slog very much.
* Fruit flies regret that there isn't more fruit in one place.
* In a review of the Coterie Room in the November 2 issue of The Stranger, managing editor and restaurant critic Bethany Jean Clement stated the location of the restaurant as the former Restaurant ZoŽ space on First Avenue kitty-corner from the Crocodile. The Coterie Room and the Crocodile are both on Second Avenue. Ms. Clement regrets whatever mini-aneurysm she had that caused her to type "First" instead of "Second," and further regrets that this was in the second sentence of the review, so it was in extra-big type.
* Eli Sanders, associate editor at The Stranger, regrets how many times he had to write "Thanks. Fixed." in comment threads on his blog posts this year-as well as variations that included "fixed now" (Nov 28); "All fixed now" (Oct 27); "typo fixed" (Aug 9); "yes, sorry, fixing" (Aug 2); "Ack! Fixing" (July 26); "Whoa. Fixed that too. 6 a.m." (July 21); "Fixed! Apologies!" (April 19); "D'oh. Thanks and fixed" (March 24); and "Ooops! Thanks and fixed" (Feb 23). Mr. Sanders, via his online comment archive, tallies a grand total of 24 comment appearances of the word "fix" and its relatives in 2011, with only two months of "fix"-free posting and commenting: September and January. By way of explanation, Mr. Sanders notes that his birthday is in September and that he had a great New Year's 2010.
* Paul Constant, The Stranger's books editor, regrets that self-published authors have started to refer to themselves as "indie authors." You can wrap a turd in a push-up bra, but it's still a piece of shit.
* Stranger theater editor Brendan Kiley regrets not writing about how much he loved A Crack in Everything, the new dance/design spectacle that Zoe Scofield and Juniper Shuey performed at On the Boards in early December. He just got busy with other stuff.
* David Schmader regrets that everyone in town couldn't have been in the room at the Sorrento Hotel in November when Kimya Dawson performed her a capella version of "Zero or a Zillion" along to a beat provided by audience hand claps.
* Governor Chris Gregoire regrets vetoing most of a medical marijuana bill, thereby crippling protections for patients who use the drug under a doctor's care. As it happens, Gregoire may need medical pot someday and, thanks to her own actions, could be arrested for it.
* In the July 27 issue of The Stranger, we misspelled photographer Mischa Richter's name in a photo credit. We regret the error.
* In the May 25 issue of The Stranger, we failed to credit photographer Timothy Rysdyke for four photos of filmmaker Miranda July. We regret the error.
* Staff photographer Kelly O regrets that she still doesn't own a wet suit and still hasn't taken a single lesson at the Washington Surf Academy, even though she talks about it all the time.
* In our 2011 Fall Arts Guide, staff writer Dave Segal recommended seeing LA hiphop crew Odd Future at the Showbox at the Market. We regret the error.
* The Stranger regrets saying that the monthly cabaret at Re-bar called Bacon Strip was an incredible spectacle of original performance because it's really gone downhill with a bunch of half-hearted lip-synching performances lately.
* Stranger staff writer Goldy, who spent six-plus years honing his skills writing the most successful political blog in the state before joining The Stranger as a staff writer in February, regrets editors. Also, defamation laws.
* Stranger staffer Paul Constant regrets that his 2,286-word February 24 review of a Ke$ha show was not at least twenty thousand words longer.
* Stranger music editor Grant Brissey regrets giving an article the title "Poo- Butt Station," in which he interviewed his niece and nephew about Laura Veirs's new album "for adults and kids." The piece should have been titled "Poo-Poo Butt Station" because that's what his niece and nephew actually said.
* Megan Seling, a music writer at The Stranger, regrets having tickets to the "secret" Explosions in the Sky show at the Crocodile, and, while she was STANDING OUTSIDE THE CLUB, deciding not to go in because she was "too tired." She went home and stayed up until 1 am watching reruns of Real Housewives. What an idiot.
* Staff photographer Kelly O regrets that Megan Seling introduced her to the existence of 17-year-old Courtney Stodden, who's married to 52-year-old Doug Hutchison, because now Ms. O can't stop following the escapades of those two creeps.
* The entire field of mathematics regrets Washington State attorney general and Republican gubernatorial candidate Rob McKenna's inability to comprehend a concept as simple as compounding.
* Millions of customers and the world's remaining oil reserves regret that Jiffy Lube waited until this year to change its standard recommendation that car owners get their motor oil changed at 3,000-mile intervals instead of whatever intervals the people who design and make the cars recommend (which have ranged from 3,000 to 10,000 miles for decades). Said customers and oil reserves also regret that Jiffy Lube employees have tended to continue recommending 3,000-mile oil changes even though the company "officially" changed its policy.
* Radiohead regrets that in 2011 bands still find it necessary to cover "Creep."
* Stranger writer Brendan Kiley regrets the US policy of drug prohibition, which makes life worse for absolutely everyone even tangentially related to the drug trade-cops, the court system, inmates, prison guards, casual drug users, addicts, the families of addicts, people who overdose or get terminal diseases from unsafe drug use, poor people in urban and rural South America at the bottom end of the drug trade, and the thousands upon thousands of people who are murdered every year as collateral damage of this entirely avoidable international catastrophe.
* Bethany Jean Clement regrets that her idea for a plastic-bubble-encased bicycle for foul-weather riding has not already been made into reality. It could be called the Dry-cycle!!!
* Stranger copy editor Anna Minard regrets that certain fonts we use in print don't have the necessary diacritical marks to correctly render Slavoj iek's name.
* David Schmader regrets letting a professional exterminator tell him what Seattle restaurant has the filthiest, most rodent-infested kitchen.
* In the January 13 issue of The Stranger, Megan Seling reviewed Columbia City's delicious vegan restaurant St. Dames Cafe, and within that review claimed that cashews are nuts. Cashews are seeds. We regret the error.
* Jen Graves regrets that every person on earth did not see this fall's four-minute performance for a single viewer at a time by the Satori Group.
* Bethany Jean Clement regrets that she recycled her Monterey Bay Aquarium Seafood Watch card and that when she eats sushi (which isn't that often, but still!), she just pretends everything's okay.
* Audiences at the 5th Avenue Theatre regret that Alice Ripley, the star of the musical Next to Normal-which won Tony Awards and a Pulitzer Prize-blew her voice out before the Seattle run in March, and that the managers of the touring production made her keep singing anyway. The resulting rasp of a performance was painful to listen to and probably not very good for the long-term health of Ripley's larynx.
* In a December 16 Stranger Suggest, Dave Segal erroneously wrote that Juan Atkins is part of the Bellevue Three triumvirate of Detroit-area techno pioneers. The correct city is Belleville. Mr. Segal further regrets that he can never show his face again in his native Detroit.
* Kelly O regrets that the Polish Home Association's kitchen isn't open more than one day a week, and that there isn't a Piroshki open on Capitol Hill anymore. Ms. O appreciates a good bowl of pho, sure, but really misses borscht.
* Pizza regrets that Congress named it a "vegetable." Even pizza knows that's not true.
* In a June 22 Slog post, Cienna Madrid, staff writer for The Stranger, misspelled Seattle police officer Shandy "Mexican Piss" Cobane's last name as "Cobain." She apologizes to all Cobain/Cobane fans for the error.
* Paul Constant regrets not reviewing the following books: The Thackeray T. Lambshead Cabinet of Curiosities edited by Ann & Jeff Vandermeer, Buzz Aldrin, What Happened to You in All the Confusion? by Johan Harstad, Skyjack by Geoffrey Gray, Daybreak by Brian Ralph, Sacco & Vanzetti by Rick Geary, I Could Tell You but Then You Would Have to Be Destroyed by Me by Trevor Paglen, and Go Fish by Mr. Fish. In order, they were: pretty good, unbearably twee, not as good as Elwood Reid's great novel D.B., a so-so zombie thriller with literary airs, not as good as Geary's other work, an inessential but nicely weird artifact from another world, and a really excellent collection of political cartoons. There were more books he read and didn't review in 2011, but these are the ones that have been stacked on his desk for months now, looking at him.
* In a November 30 review of Catch- 22, Stranger writer Brendan Kiley stated that the book's main character is Greek American. In fact, the character is Armenian American. That Mr. Kiley would make such a basic factual error about one of his favorite novels of all time speaks volumes about his reading comprehension.
* Amanda Knox regrets that flyer that said "Study in Italy!"
* On June 8, Stranger staff writer Goldy was barred from attending a press conference at the gubernatorial campaign kickoff of Washington State attorney general Rob McKenna on the grounds that Goldy is, in McKenna's words, "a partisan hack." We regret that Rob McKenna is such a pussy.
* Tag Team regrets that their 1993 hit "Whoomp! (There It Is)" is now in a diaper commercial with the lyric "Poop! (There It Is)."
* Dominic Holden regrets that the Occupy Seattle protesters constantly bray that The Stranger has focused on negative criticism and not enough on news coverage, even though in 2011 The Stranger posted more than 525 articles and blog posts about the Occupy movement and most of them were matter-of-fact news, a large chunk were positive, and only a tiny fraction were critical.
* Cienna Madrid, staff writer at The Stranger, regrets that comedian Nick Thune is such an asshole to interview.
* The Stranger's Charles Mudede regrets liking the first 30 minutes of Terrence Malick's Tree of Life. He really wanted to hate every minute of that three-hour movie.
* Anna Minard, copy editor at The Stranger, regrets that her comparison of local, handmade toys to crummy stuff she found at Toys 'R' Us that happened to be made in China caused a commenter to tell her that her "hatred of Chinese people feels racist," because even though it turns out said commenter wasn't serious, it started a long-running joke among her friends about how much she hates Chinese people, which, for the record, she most certainly does not.
* In the July 6 issue of The Stranger, the NighTraiN show at the Funhouse was listed on the wrong day. We regret the error.
* In the August 10 issue of The Stranger, we mistakenly referred to the Filipino pig's blood soup as menudo, when it is actually called dinuguan. We regret the error.
* Managing editor Bethany Jean Clement regrets that on January 6, she wrote "Sean" instead of "Shawn" (Kemp) and "indisputedly" (not a word!) instead of "indisputably" in two separate Slog posts.
* Dan Savage, editorial director of The Stranger, regrets that one brownie, that one day, on that one beach in Hawaii.
* Dominic Holden regrets that the city decided to replace the viaduct with a $4.2 billion tunnel, which will accommodate only about one-third of the viaduct's traffic and leave zero money for handling the remaining 65,000 vehicles a day.
* Mr. Holden further regrets that the tunnel won on the ballot, in part, because the very same companies with a $1.1 billion contract to build said tunnel also bankrolled the campaign.
* That said, Mr. Holden is thrilled that the tunnel debate is over.
* Staff music writer Dave Segal regrets that the Capitol Hill Sonic Boom branch closed. He also laments the general moribund state of music retail and can't escape the feeling that every record store that goes out of business further signals the imminent death of his secondfavorite pastime.
* Slackliners regret how uptight Seattle is.
* Kelly O regrets that every time she wants to get teabagged by a hot naked dude while holding a vodka soda, she has to drive all the way to the Silverado in Portland, Oregon.
* Jen Graves regrets that in an October 4 post on The Stranger's music blog, Line Out, she described the wonders of the cello in advance of a performance of the Bach Cello Suite No. 1 with the Seattle Symphony. It turned out that the Bach was instead going to be performed by a tuba. Ms. Graves hopes no one emerged from the concert believing that a tuba is a cello.
* The Stranger regrets that Western Bridge is closing this year.
* In a November Slog post regarding pie (yum!), Megan Seling accidentally wrote "they're" when she meant to write "their." She regrets the error, even though it's a stupid and easy-to-make mistake and only remembers it because a commenter called her a "motherfucker" over it. Hey, guy-maybe it's time to go outside for a bit?
* Christopher Frizzelle, the editor of The Stranger, regrets waiting six years to get a root canal and having to spend most of 2011 staring into the faces of confused medical professionals. Mr. Frizzelle regrets hearing the words "Whoa. Janice, come look at this. He's a gusher. You're a gusher," with regard to the pus spraying out of his tooth the first time, as well as "It's an opportunistic or secondary infection," with regard to pus that kept roaring back after the first round of antibiotics failed to take. In all, Mr. Frizzelle was on several strong antibiotics for several months, which kept him alive but may have permanently destroyed his stomach. To make himself feel better, at least historically speaking, Mr. Frizzelle has been reading on Wikipedia about people way back when who died of infections, including Sigurd the Mighty (decapitated a foe, strapped foe's head to his horse, got a cut on his leg when the teeth of the decapitated foe grazed his leg, died); George Herbert, the fifth Earl of Carnavron (fatally sliced through a mosquito bite on his face while shaving); and the circus performer Siegmund Breitbart (his act involved a rusted spike).
* Stranger writer Brendan Kiley regrets that we live in a world where people announce deaths via Facebook and that so many people respond by clicking the "like" button.
* Recent Stranger editorial hire Goldy regrets that every company at which he has ever been a salaried employee has failed to survive his tenure. Sorry, guys.
* Associate editor Charles Mudede regrets that there are still no comments for his masterful September 28 essay "The Other Brother: P.M. Dawn and the Birth of Brohemianism."
* Stranger art critic Jen Graves regrets the closures of Open Satellite, Ambach & Rice, the 619 Western building, and Pun(c)tuation in 2011. She further regrets the departures from Seattle museums of Derrick Cartwright, Liz Brown, and Robin Held. Because fuck.
* Bethany Jean Clement regrets that she declared "yard" (as in the Yard Cafe in Greenwood) and "dray" (as in the bar the Dray in Ballard, same owners) a palindrome on Slog on May 25. She really regrets how long it took to sink in that it was not a palindrome, and that there is no accepted term for whatever the hell it is.
* Occupy Seattle had better regret posting its Amazon.com wish list everywhere online, when it's now pretty obvious that Amazon.com stands for the opposite of Occupy's values.
* Music editor Grant Brissey regrets not remembering the lyrics to "Gimmie Indie Rock" by Sebadoh, and therefore attributing them to Lou Barlow instead.
* Stranger writer Brendan Kiley does not regret learning that the common garden snails in the Northwest, which he sees in the garden behind his apartment building all the damn time, are Helix aspersa, the common European brown snail used for escargot. What he regrets is learning this fact a mere week after the temperatures dropped so low that the snails went into their seasonal hibernation and that he will have to wait until spring to pick escargot out of his backyard.
* The Stranger regrets that ICP, ringleaders of the Juggalos, came out as born-again Christians. We knew they were stupid, but Jesus.
* David Schmader regrets that stores are full of tobacco. Why can't they be full of fruit?
* In the November 23 issue of The Stranger, we mistakenly labeled Zac Hendrix the former DJ for Del the Funky Homosapien. Hendrix is still spinning records for that esteemed rapper. We regret the error.
* Music editor Grant Brissey regrets that when he wrote an Up & Coming preview calling Pomplamoose a death-metal duo, the joke wound up being printed on the wrong date. Mr. Brissey blames this on copy chief Gillian Anderson's vacation, and even though he and Gillian get in spats sometimes, he never wants her to go away again.
* Cienna Madrid, staff writer at The Stranger, regrets that she doesn't have four stomachs to devote to eating RoRo BBQ & Grill's pork ribs and edamame succotash.
* Staff music writer Dave Segal regrets that High Wolf, his favorite musician in the world right now, traveled all the way from France in February and played for only 30 minutes at Cairo.
* Charles Mudede regrets that the Higgs Particle, also known as the God Particle, is running out of places to hide in the Large Hadron Collider.
* Comedian Tom Green regrets being ugly.
* Dan Savage, editorial director of The Stranger, regrets posting that photo of himself with a mustache to Slog and his Twitter account (@fakedansavage).
* Stranger copy editor Anna Minard does not regret that a photo caption in the October 26 issue credited Eli Sanderes instead of Eli Sanders, as it still makes her laugh.
* In a feature tribute to relatives who drop dead during the holidays, Cienna Madrid, staff writer at The Stranger, wrote that her grandpa Ray dropped dead on Thanksgiving Day 2009. In reality, he died in 2005. Man, does she regret that error.
* In the October 26 issue of The Stranger, David Schmader profiled Thelonious Monster singer/Celebrity Rehab star Bob Forrest, hyping the upcoming show as Thelonious Monster's "first Seattle show in 20 years." In fact, the band played Seattle in both 1992 and 1997. He regrets the error, even though it was the press release's fault.
* In a November 23 profile of the band Visqueen, The Stranger asserted that after Kim Warnick stepped down from playing bass, Christina Bautista stepped up. In fact, there were several bassists between Warnick and Bautista, including Barrett Jones, Bill Coury, and the Muffs' Ronnie Barnett. We regret the error.
* At least half the Stranger staff regrets making ageist jokes at the expense of a certain zillion-year-old city councilwoman.
* Associate editor Eli Sanders regrets not knowing that the latest model of SPD concussion grenade apparently also emits stinging smoke, which he learned as he walked toward the sound of a concussion grenade at the December 12 West Coast port shutdown protests. Mr. Sanders also regrets not thinking ahead about how his camera's automatic flash would bounce off of all those smoke particles, making most of his sure-to-be-amazing pictures of mayhem turn out like close-up photos of his Hasbro Lite-Brite.
* Charles Mudede regrets that death really is the end of life. There is no afterlife; there is nothing but nothing in death. Worst of all, to die is to never have lived at all. When you die, the nothingness before life meets the nothingness after life. This meeting erases every memory, every trace of light from your life. Only the living know the dead.
* The Stranger regrets that Sugartown Vintage in Ballard closed. Amy and Kerri picked the best clothing.
* Seattle Pacific University regrets its "Statement on Human Sexuality," which its students have been responding to-as they should-by masturbating in campus prayer rooms, fucking in the nearby graveyard, and saddlebacking during "study" sessions. Maybe banning "premarital, extramarital, or homosexual sexual activities" wasn't such a good idea after all.
* In the January 6 issue of The Stranger, Bethany Jean Clement erroneously stated that Ted Furst used to own Cucina! Cucina! in Kirkland when, in fact, he merely worked for the company that did. She regrets the error. She does not regret what Mr. Furst referred to as the "snide tone" of the writing, by which she assumes he meant "Cucina! Cucina! (the! horror!)."
* The Stranger regrets that Grocery Outlet keeps sending enormous gift baskets filled with items that nobody in the office wants-e.g., whole wheat pasta, oddflavored lip balm, terrible tea. Thanks but no thanks, Grocery Outlet!
* Kelly O regrets that even though the It Gets Better project is going strong, kids like Lance Lundsten, 18, and 11thgrader Tiffani Maxwell committed suicide in 2011 as a result of being bullied. She also regrets that everyone made fun of Chaz Bono when he appeared on Dancing with the Stars. What the fuck is wrong with people?
* Theater editor Brendan Kiley continues to regret the enduring popularity of Yasmina Reza's vapid scripts about shallow upper-middle-class halfwits who wring their hands over the basic facts of life and find a tempest in every teapot. He also regrets that he is professionally obligated to be so hard on things. He'd like to tell everybody pleasant white lies, but then he wouldn't be doing his job.
* Paul Constant regrets that someone affiliated with the still-unreleased film Grassroots rifled through his desk while filming scenes in The Stranger's offices. He has taken much petty pleasure in watching the film's subsequent failure to find a distributor, and subconsciously attributes Grassroots' reported terribleness to the violation of his desk.
* Grant Brissey regrets that by attempting to supplant his insecurities with alcohol, he almost ruined everything that matters to him. It's a mistake he will not repeat in 2012.
* Christopher Frizzelle, the editor of The Stranger, regrets all the deadlines he missed this year on account of having an office that looks down on a soccer field where men in shorts are constantly running around.
* The staff of The Stranger regrets that Lindy West moved away to stupid, stupid Los Angeles. Seriously, it's fucking stupid, that place. COME BACK!!
* It is highly likely that Stranger editorial director Dan Savage, author of a popular sex-advice column (Savage Love) and host of a popular call-in sex-advice podcast (Savage Lovecast), gave advice sometime in 2011 that, in hindsight, Mr. Savage deeply regrets. Mr. Savage does not, however, have the time to review his columns and podcasts, and no errors came immediately to mind when Mr. Savage was pressed to recall an example of any advice he regrets giving over the last year. Instead, through a spokesman, Mr. Savage issued a statement of general regret for all of the advice he gave over the last 12 months, in his column and on his podcast, and would like to encourage his readers and listeners to seek advice elsewhere in 2012.