BY SEATTLE WRITERS, PERFORMERS, ARTISTS, CURATORS, AND COMEDIANS

I regret stealing hundreds of thousands of dollars from Intiman Theatre and spending it on subprime real estate in Florida. -Mike Mathieu, Cody Rivers Show

I regret everything I didn't do. -Lesley Hazleton, author, After the Prophet: The Epic Story of the Shia-Sunni Split

I regret the indestructible distance between my reach and my grasp. -Steven Arntson, novelist, The Wikkeling

I regret watching the entire year pass by from the window of my studio. I trust it's been worth it; I'm pages away from fi nishing my fi rst graphic novel (hooray!), but it's been crazyintensely time consuming, and I miss my friends terribly. -Ellen Forney, graphic novelist

I've appeared in only one commercial in my life, for Lowe's Home Improvement. I never imagined myself doing a commercial, since my act is generally critical of the garbage culture that capitalism creates. But it was an acting opportunity, and I'm an egomaniac. I'd also read up on the company, and their record didn't seem awful. Not spotless... but my justifi cation was: "Hey, at least it's not Walmart." In December, Lowe's pulled their advertising from the reality show All-American Muslim after pressure from conservative Christian groups. They were bullied by bigots into making a cowardly decision that does not refl ect my values. Also, I was playing half of a couple with my now ex-girlfriend. I REALLY REGRET MAKING THIS COMMERCIAL. -Hari Kondabolu, writer and comedian

I regret that I didn't promote the Langston Hughes African American Film Festival more. I regret having dinner at Lark only once this entire year. I regret not going to my 40th high school reunion, but fuck, them peoples is old. I regret I didn't work on my books. (How you gonna call them works in progress if there ain't no progress?) I regret dubstep. I regret not getting to the Burn, but then I heard there was a lot of dubstep. I regret Amy Winehouse, seriously. I regret Lars von Trier. I doggedly regret getting cellulitis. Twice. I regret cancer. Fuck cancer. I regret not walking up that hill, not getting in the water at midnight, and arguing against both. I regret not seeing anybody naked that I'd vowed to see naked this time last year. I promise to do better. -Riz Rollins, KEXP DJ

I regret that Saint Genet's four-part Transports of Delirium series last summer at Lawrimore Project isn't an ongoing weekly event. Everything on Friday night since has been easily understood and defi ned, paling and peeling in comparison. -Korby Sears, Seattle School

My regret in 2011, and in every year since 1990, is not seizing the opportunity to buy a dirt-cheap, post-unifi cation pied-à-terre in Berlin. -Jenifer Ward, associate provost, Cornish College of the Arts

I regret that I was seven years late in hating Amazon.com. -Sherman Alexie, author, War Dances

I regret ticket service charges. Listen, theaters (especially theaters that run THEIR OWN ticketing services-ACT, the Rep, etc., I'm looking at you): If a ticket is going to cost me $34 (or in fringe, say $20), it's a lie to advertise that it's going to cost me $30 (or $18). A LIE. I don't give a shit that you only get $30, I give a shit that my debit statement says $34. Advertise truthfully. Charge $34 and make it known that you're picking up the service fee so that I don't have to. (Hey! Good PR!) That would be neat. -Peggy Gannon, actor, director, and producer

I regret that Al Roker's middle name isn't "Mond." -Dina Martina, chanteuse/raconteur

I regret I fell for the pitch

of Vincent Kitch.

Public trust is no small thing

When you grab for the brass, it should ring

true. -Cheryl dos Remedios, artist

I regret that I haven't used our comedy to whomp our audiences upside the head more about their privilege, both white and Asian (and note that ours is one of the few companies that have an "and"). I regret that Seattle's theater media can only focus on one Asian American production at a time. (A David Henry Hwang play IS fl ashy... but there ARE other good Asian American playwrights out there.) And I regret not taking the chance when David Henry Hwang was in town to fi lm a sequel to Greg Pak's satirical short fi lm, Asian Porn Pride. -Roger Tang, producer with Pork Filled Players

(A David Henry Hwang play IS fl ashy... but there ARE other good Asian American playwrights out there.) And I regret not taking the chance when David Henry Hwang was in town to fi lm a sequel to Greg Pak's satirical short fi lm, Asian Porn Pride. -Roger Tang, producer with Pork Filled Players

I truly regret the moment I decided to read True You by Janet Jackson instead of Moby- Dick by Herman Melville. I promised myself I would fi nally read it this year, and when I went to get it, Miss Jackson's just-released book lured me away. I lost a week to that dumb book. I still love Janet Jackson, but the spark is gone. And I still haven't read Moby-Dick. -Jason Miller, curator of BadMovieArt

I regret asking so many artists to work for so little. I want to pay more but still can't. Seriously, how do these big houses do it? I'm selling out and still writing little bitty checks-or is that why they're all going under? -Mark Siano, producer/performer

I regret taking an OTC allergy medication and drinking a quadruple espresso before a class critique. To this day, I am uncertain of what I said to my students. -Left Eye Rico, photographer

A whole slew of shows went up right when my show went up in October, and I regret missing them (especially Wayne Rawley's). I regret that I let another year pass without attempting the Beard of Bees as a publicity stunt for some show. I regret not bringing Pullo (my 70-pound mutt, who is super-sweet with people but will try to attack and kill any other animal) to the Sylvia dog night. That would have been an exciting night of theater! -Scot Augustson, playwright

I regret the times I lost faith in my work because someone didn't like it, or didn't get it, or didn't want it, and I thought I cared about their opinion. -Ellen Ziegler, artist

I regret that I spent six thousand dollars on health insurance for my family last year, and that we only went to the doctor once between us, and the coverage totally sucked ass. I also regret that I paid life insurance, auto insurance, homeowners' insurance, and whatever other insurance I paid. In short, I just regret insurance. I'd like to have all that money back so that I could buy a thirty-foot infl atable duck with sunglasses for my front yard. -Jonathan Evison, author, West of Here

I wish I could understand why my sister was so miserable and caused everyone so much pain before she hung herself. My relationship with her was over a long time ago, but somehow it still feels unresolved. -James Harris, art dealer

I regret living a vice-laden life of sin and selling my soul at the crossroads. For all those ships that never sailed, I regret standing ashore with only status updates to support. I regret being afraid of the wild indescribable sea and never learning to swim. -DK Pan, artist

I had a moment this summer when I realized that if I had only six months to live, I'd pretty much be living my life the exact same way. My fi rst thought was "Then why aren't you happier?" I regret being too hard on myself and resolve to lighten up in 2012. -Joey Veltkamp, artist and blogger

I regret the fact that there is no literary bar in Seattle. -Aaron Talwar, publisher, Dark Coast Press

I'm Filipino, and I regret that I still have trouble pointing out the Philippines on a map. -Ray Tagavilla, actor

I regret not being able to make Seattle my permanent home. Moving to Los Angeles has greatly benefi ted my comedy career, but that career would have never been if it weren't for Seattle. I miss my city, and I hope one day to help lift the glass ceiling that too many performance artists have been bumping their heads against. -Solomon Georgio, comedian

We regret not realizing the deadline for this was yesterday. -the staff of literary magazine HOARSE

I regret that I regret. I spend so much of my day regretting the mean things I said, people I let down, friends I lost, lovers I disappointed, money I spent, drugs I took, opportunities I fucked up. This regret ends up causing me to distract myself from these regrets with behavior that I later regret. I regret the ouroboros of regret. -Tommy Smith, playwright

Regrets are Out. Failure is In. -Yoko Ott, curator

I regret that my generation of Seattle theater artists isn't coming close to matching the level of hedonism displayed by the folks who went before us in the '70s, '80s, and '90s. The sex! The drugs! Oh, I've heard stories. That's right, Kurt Beattie, we all know you used to get into trouble, you rascal. -Renata Friedman, actor

I regret the high price of new books, which is my excuse for falling behind in my reading. I don't regret any of the money I have spent on books, however, especially the eleven dozen books of poems I've bought at Open Books since 1997, according to their index cards. -Ed Skoog, author, Mister Skylight

I regret not quitting my day job and setting out on my own earlier. This past year of poverty and harsh enlightenments would have been much easier to do in my 20s. -Emmett Montgomery, comedian

I regret that due to limited resources, we had to mothball NewsWrights United prior to the Occupy movement blowing up, because I would have really liked to cover that in a living newspaper. Adjacent to that is my regret that none of the big houses in Seattle (or small, for that matter) saw fi t to include making topical theatre, based on events happening right here right now, as part of their regular programming this year. And above all those is my overarching regret about the woefully sluggish and blandly generic quality of most theater in America. My sidebar regret is that the Seattle Rep seems to have reserved a regular slot in each season for producing a play they already produced in the last 15 years, and usually a particularly banal play at that. -Paul Mullin, playwright

I regret not standing up for an artist friend when a critic I was speaking to bashed their work for no particular reason other than the joy of the kill. -Ryan Molenkamp, painter

I regret clutching onto selfi shness and petty jealousy like a pair of security blankets. They have always and will continue to hold me back. I also regret eating that expired cake. Mostly. -John Osebold, writer/actor/musician/ 2011 Stranger Genius Award winner

I regret not being John Osebold last year... at least then I would've had a REASON to never leave my apartment! -Troy Mink, actor and improviser

A man in a suit minus the tie arrived late to my performance and sat down in the front row. He promptly tilted his head back and fell asleep, his mouth wide open. I regret not reaching in and tickling his tongue. -Stokley Towles, solo performer

I regret losing my studio in the 619 Western Building, knowing that I will never have a space as great as that again. Sunsets over and under the viaduct, over West Seattle, Bainbridge Island, and the Olympics; dirt and grime from the traffi c above; alpenglow; sun refl ections off the water reaching all the way to my far wall; high ceilings; energetic community; great studio mates; a space in which to dream up new work, test new ideas, try the ridiculous and impossible. Bad parking, lobby always in disarray, the Ye Olde Curiosity Shop calliope driving me crazy, worn wooden steps, huge elevator, 30 years of art ghosts, maple fl oors and fi r fl oors, pivoting windows, huge lumber beams and columns, Pioneer Square, landlord too cheap to make the alterations/fi xes after the earthquake. Spaces determine how and what we can make, how we think about our art... limit or free us, and that is our life. -Norie Sato, public artist

I regret wasting 226 hours of my summer watching every episode of Melrose Place. -Jessica Powers, curator

I regret that the year passed without seeing Seattle School's 24/7 storefront vendingmachine/ Most Dangerous Game hunt-club/ live-installation piece called SHOOT THE FREAK mounted for the hungry, hungry public. And rents are so cheap right now. -Korby Sears, Seattle School

I regret not poking that guy in the dick at that Halloween party-his Reno 911 shorts were screaming for it. (Much respect to Hannah Victoria Franklin for living my dreams.) I regret not buying my tickets yet to see the regional premiere of the Broadway smash hit Spring Awakening. Oh well, I guess I'll just have to wait for my cousins in high school to tackle that show. I regret calling Implied Violence the GWAR of theater so many times. -Noah Benezra, actor

I regret not properly using capitalization and believing that lowercase letters are somehow inherently more artistic. -Serrah Russell, artist

I regret not applying for Project Accessory. Fingers crossed they will have a second season. -Jana Brevick, jewelry artist

I regret not providing more support to the creative endeavors of people I appreciate. I regret not throwing more rotten fruit at lousy comedians. I regret feeding into the egos of musicians. I regret being spiteful toward Occupy protesters: It isn't their fault they are trying to fi x a clock with a banana. I regret that I spent so much money at big box stores and not as much in small independent retailers in the name of convenience. I regret 60 percent of the illegal downloads I may or may not have downloaded. I regret talking so much and being interesting so little. -Chas Roberts, performer, musician, and impresario

I regret not having one more week to go toeto- toe with Charles Leggett in Of Mice and Men at Seattle Rep. My experience, both with Mr. Leggett as Lenny and Mr. Teagle Bougere as Crooks, taught me that contrary to all of those "good actors share the stage" affi rmations we like to throw around, the stage is something of a cage fi ght for the light. There was a silent gauntlet thrown down every night, and I discovered that I secretly reveled in the challenge. I know it takes years and years on the boards to shine like those guys, but I would have liked another week or six to give it my best shot. -Elise Karolina Hunt, actor

I regret that certain theater professionals witnessed the drunken Le Frenchword melee that happened onstage after the benefi t performance for Seattle Scenic Studios-especially the moment when I knocked Sachie clean across the stage and she busted her ass and bit her tongue (there was blood). I do not, however, regret the act. Only that others saw it. -Carter Rodriquez, actor

I regret nothing I have done or did not do, I live my life to have no regrets. -Faye the Tattooed Psychic, seer

I regret spending so much time agonizing over Facebook requests from people who were mean to me in high school. Also, I ate too much pie on Thanksgiving and threw up. I guess I regret that, too. -Paul Merrill, writer/comedian

I regret not having done most of what I did this year fi ve years ago. 2011 was a year of growing some balls. -Gavin Cummins, puppeteer