Rude, Divisive, and Pointless






Publication: The Stranger
Date published: May 30, 2012

An Argument About Bachelorette Parties in Gay Bars

Los Angeles gay bar the Abbey has banned bachelorette parties until marriage equality is attained, as David Schmader reported on Slog last week. According to the Abbey:

"Every Friday and Saturday night, we're flooded with requests from straight girls in penis hats who want to ogle our go-gos, dance with the gays and celebrate their pending nuptials. They are completely unaware that the people around them are legally prohibited from getting married," said David Cooley, founder of the Abbey. "Over the past 22 years, the Abbey has been a place that accepts everyone, gay, straight, lesbian, transgender, bisexual and everything in between. We love our straight girlfriends and they are welcome here, just not for bachelorette parties."

Here's just the beginning of the argument in comments.

Comment by gloomy gus: The Abbey, where Liz Taylor used to slip in the side door! Where my favorite ex-boyfriend asked for a vodka with lunch and was cheerfully served a pint glass full.

Comment by bleedingheartlibertarian:

I am broadly pro the banning of bachelorette parties. For any reason, really.

Comment by JenV: As a straight girlfriend who is for marriage equality, I am prothis as well.

Comment by jkjk: I can totally see why they would do this and it's very reasonable... but I highly doubt that the women are *unaware* of the legal status of gay marriage.

Comment by randomitis:

Gay bars are not tourist attractions, petting zoos, or slumming grounds. They are our safe spaces and sanctuaries. If you are there to flaunt your straight privilege, expect to be ejected.

Comment by Original Andrew: The thing that I like best about the Abbey is that everyone has been really friendly and welcoming on the occasions that I've gone there. Very surprising in a large city like LA. This seems unnecessarily rude, divisive, and pointless. And if I'm looking for that, I'll just go to (insert any Capitol Hill gay bar name here).

Comment by Pridge Wessea: @Original Andrew: "This seems unnecessarily rude, divisive, and pointless." I completely disagree.

Comment by BLUE: I'm pro a business accepting or declining revenue from whatever source allows them to think they're doing the right thing. If it was my gay bar I'd be happy to serve bachelorettes, Rush Limbaugh, Godzilla... So long as the tab was covered and 20% gratuity included.

Comment by pfffter: @Original Andrew: Creating a monolith out of Capitol Hill gay bar culture seems unnecessarily rude, divisive, and pointless.

Comment by seandr: Gay bars have been hating on straight female guests as long as i can remember. The only thing new is using marriage equality as a cover.

Comment by JenV: @jkjk: Not unaware, no, but maybe they haven't put any thought about into how getting smashed and crazy all over a gay bar to celebrate their impending marriage might feel to the other patrons who don't have the same rights.

Comment by BornAgainInBellevue: Bachelorettes should know better, but in the bar/hospitality business, putting up with asshole behavior is part of the gig.

Comment by Mason: Well done, Abbey. I'm sure voting booths for the fellas weren't too popular at Suffragette meetings either.

Comment by Cato the Younger Younger: @many of you: I thought the bar was banning the bachelorette parties... NOT straight women? I think some of you have missed the point.

Comment by seandr: My experience is that many gay bars allow straight women, assuming they don't call too much attention to themselves, but they don't exactly welcome them. Whatever, its kind of lame but at the same time perfectly understandable-too many women will fuck up the vibe that draws gay patrons there in the first place.

Comment by Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn: It's the way females cackle after they've got two drinks in them I can't bear. Stop cackling. You know who you are.

Comment by scary tyler moore: @randomitis, well, don't you worry your pretty little perfectly-groomed about that, sugar! i steer far clear of gay bars unless i am specifically invited as a guest and do the paperwork for a temporary entrance visa, good for two hours max for each visit. and i don't donate to gay nonprofits, lest i taint their funds with my hetero cash.

there. happy?

Comment by johnjjeeves: @Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn: And we've gone from marriage equality to straight-up misogyny. Well done, fellas... I'm rolling my eyes. Gay bars are great, but let's stop pretending like they have any special meaning, and please let's drop the mythic 'brotherhood of gays' that apparently a lot of people put stock in (we're just as predatory and assholish as everyone else-being persecuted doesn't change that)...

But hey, fuck all that noise. If this bar is stupid enough to forbid sources of revenue in a recession ("females" do like their drinks at a bachelorette party, right, guys?) more power to them, but the marriage equality reason rings fucking hollow. Gay bars are for dancing, drinking, and having fun. I've never seen a voter registration booth in a gay bar. I've never been asked about my politics waiting to use the bathroom. It's disingenuous that all of a sudden we're treating these places as sanctified ground and yes, it does faintly reek of gratuitous woman hating, especially a certain kind of woman who's not 'enlightened' enough to understand they're 'abusing their privilege.'

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